What is with Bangalore's climate that makes my nasal passage all blocked and suffocated early in the morning?

Add to it, an accident that happened today morning, where I got sprayed liberally by this hideous perfume that my friend was putting on herself, and end result is a splitting headache and a feeling like someone's put an iron on top of my head, and wrapped my nose like you wrap Egyption mummys.

Had an eye test a couple of days ago. I don't what it is with eye-tests, that give me an irrepressible compulsion to cheat.

Have you ever cheated on eye-tests? Well, if you haven't, I'll tell you how to do it. The pre-condition is that you ought to have a large room where the doctor is visibly testing other patients - meaning that you can see the board they make you read clearly. Stand on some insignificant corner where you are less likely to get noticed. Pretend you're involved in studying the architecture of the room you are currently seated in, or otherwise, engrossed in some deep thought that makes your head go all around the room. However, during all this pretension, what you are actually doing is having looks at the reading board from the corner of your eyes. With each scan of the room try to pick up as many characters as are visible on the board. If someone catches you doing that, let's say the very helpful (read:pain in the ***) nurse who's sorting out the patients, pretend that you are trying to read with your eyes closed, in advance - like how the doctor tries to get you to do.

Memorize each line one by one, like a song. You're bound to get it right with practice. H T O V, X A W I D, etc.. Practice from top to bottom for heaven sakes, cos if you are really partially blind, and can see the last 4 lines clearly (the font size of each line is in decreasing order from top to bottom), and can't see the first three lines - he's gonna suspect. Leave the last line - even the best ones can't get that right :) But make sure you get the first 5 - 6 lines right. You're bound to get a 6/6 eyesight recommendation on your evaluation sheet.

There are some more acting tips that you need to keep in mind when you are reciting your lines - this would happen when the doctor puts that ridiculous metal glass on your eyes, and asks you to read. Initially read the first 4 lines as you've practiced, without any break. For the 5th, 6th ones, give some meaningful pauses, as if you are trying to read in earnest. Say um.. I think that's a D. The next looks like an X, ... wait, wait, I see its an N. etc.  In between all this earnest acting (that's bound to get you an Oscar) make sure you don't forget your lines. If you do, and instead of X W A I N, you read N I W A X, well kiddo, the doctor is gonna start suspecting you of foul. If he does say, the order is wrong, well, you can come up with some lame excuse about how your enthusiasm to read made you read it all out of order! But I can't guarantee he'll believe you.

What's the point of all this exercise? Well, If for one you have an annoying parent who's gonna strangle you if your eyesight has declined considerably after the last test - and gonna say "I told you not to glue yourself to the TV so much, or refuse to eat your carrots!", then you have all the motive for putting yourself thru this ardous exercise.

What are the benefits?:

1) The doctor says - "Oh, he/she has perfect eyesight; don't you worry ma'am!"

2) You find your memory power improving rapidly, and you are stretching that mental rubber band of yours to remember such complicated sequences of characters. You are definitely in line to be the next Shakuntala Devi.

3) Your neck gets a lot of exercise with all the scanning you do around the room.

4) You are getting lots of practice for performing other furtive acts in the future.

The downside:

1) You stand a good chance of developing a squint, what with all the looking at the board from the corner of your eyes.

2) If you really have an eye problem that should be diagnosed before you turn into a blind bat, then ... ignore all this that I've written, be honest and take the test properly :)

Forget that you're gonna be insulted by your loving parent/in front of your other peers who are 6/6 in each eye - cos being truthful here is only going to be beneficial to you!

Before I close, wanna know what I finally did with my compulsion to cheat, and how I fared in the eye-test? Well, I threw the compulsion out of the window, although I had all the chance in the world to cheat. For one, my mom wasn't hovering all over me, and I wasn't worried that I'd be soup for lunch, if she finds out how my eyes have turned out... So I decided that since its only me that I have to answer, honesty was the best policy.

As for how I fared, well, I've been with and without glasses since childhood, and the doctor's told me that it really doesn't matter even if I don't wear glasses. I only have anti-glare specs that actually act as comforters for a lifestyle where I'm required to stare at a white screen all day.