I'm in a strange and pensive mood today. Been reading blogs of some people, and all that strikes me is that people are trying so hard to prove something to the world, and to themselves, that they just forget that its important to be comfortable with yourself, and have some time for introspection.

I don't think people are comfortable with their lonely selves anymore. Esp. today's youth. The world is such a big rat race, that the only thing that seems important is to blow one's own trumpet, and shout from rooftops. On the other end of the spectrum, some live in misery and end up as judgemental cynics who refuse to see anybody else's viewpoint.

Am I making any sense? Guess I just have this mish-mash of thoughts in my brain that are pushing each other to jump out and express themselves as coherent words on this post.

The last 4 years have been this amazing experience for me as a person. Met so many people, primarily students of the age group 20-25. I've been involved in teaching for about 3 years, and if there is any other experience more eye-opening than that, I am yet to discover it.

When you leave an experience like that, to sit in a concrete jungle, and stare at the machine that's suddenly become your only confidante and is slowly threatening to become the only interface to life... you start thinking about all you've left behind. Which is what I'm doing right now.

I love the teaching experience. You get to brush against a wide array of personalities, each like this un-cut rock, fresh from the earth. And then as you contribute to the process of smoothening their edges and sharpening their points, they in turn polish your rough edges and make you a better person each day.

My only sorrow is that in today's man-kill-man world, I don't think students really have the time to savour the experience of education and develop the strength in their character, that gets them through life. The only thing that's persistent for them is pressure. Pressure to perform, peer pressure, parental pressure, educational pressure. They are a confused lot. Confused about the directions they should take, and what they should become. Driven by the desire to succeed, but seldom deeming it important to match their personal goals with their dreams. Moving from job to job, in pursuit of something that can in reality, never be achieved. Not knowing what *they* want. Having ideas, but never ideals.

And sometimes, I think knowing what one wants also comes with a price. The price of having to listen to all those "we know all" people out there, who give you unsolicited advice, and scorn your choices, just because it may not conform with theirs. It comes with the price of having to explain day-in and day-out, why and wherefore you chose something. Its almost as if present day humanity detests personal choices. Who has the right to make a personal choice? They should conform to globally accepted norms. Even if the norms conflict with personal desires.

It takes tremendous courage to make a different choice, to take a less tread path, to be out of the rat race. Tremendous courage, or irrepressible stupidity. Strong ideals or utter chaos. When with the former, a person has to spend his/her entire life trying to justify the choice to the ones who ask why, or scoff n sneer; one who falls into the latter category is committed to a life of "if only I...".

We need a change. A change in perception, a change in attitudes. Change in education, in family values, in society itself. That's too much to ask isn't it... And n number of people have mulled over it till the whole idea has become cliched. I know change begins with a single person, and with each person's self endeavour, so  I pray that we are going that way hopefully...

Meanwhile, let me savour my experiences as a teacher, hoping that somehow somewhere, I've been able to make a difference in atleast 1 person's life. Give definition to his/her hopes, and shed light on the paths they could choose...

And let me also savour the wonder they've brought to my life in return. The joy I've felt when they achieve something significant, and the pleasure to be part of them, part of their lives. It makes my life all the more clear to me, and makes me comfortable in my lonely space.